PCH, Off-Roading In Lake Of Fire National Park: Land Rover or Nissan Patrol? [Project Car Hell]

Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! When we last dove into the triazadienyl fluoride-filled Garage-O-Pain, we learned that eternity with a Lancia Scorpion would be better- or maybe worse- than eternity with an Austin Healey Sprite race car. We've been neglecting our four-wheelin' friends for too long; in fact, the last time we pitted one four-wheel-drive truck against another was last winter's Farm Equipment Edition PCH. So here we go- does PCH Microbe Japan have any hope whatsoever against PCH Superpower Britain? We'll find out today!

You hear a lot about the Toyota Land Cruiser, but don't forget that Nissan also made an off-road truck back in the day! That's right, we mean the Nissan Patrol, and you can get this '69 (go here if the ad disappears) for under a thousand bucks. Well, that's the asking price; reading the statement "i have it parked behind my house in Norwood and sold the house so I need to n move it" and checking out the photos makes us think the real price might be a lot lower. It ran when parked "a few years ago" (probable translation: 1995), and Colorado is pretty dry- probably not much rust. How hard could it be?

Let's look at the question of which vintage 4-wheel-drive to get in a different way: say you're an African warlord and you need to move your stash of gold bars and AK-47s across the border before some up-and-coming regional strongman takes it away from you. What vehicle do you want to use? No, you can't have a Toyota Hilux- that's against the rules of this game. That's right, you'll take an old Land Rover! So when you're scouring the mossy, mildewy wilds of coastal Oregon for a nice off-road machine to take on the kind of camping trip that resembles the Bataan Death March, what's it going to be? You got it- this '1960ish' Land Rover (go here if the ad disappears). Sure, it needs everything replaced a little TLC, and the rust problem is terminal somewhat severe, but it's only $350! In a single sentence, the seller maps out the road in front of the next owner of this fine British machine: "Has motor where it should be but tranny parts are in back seat of vehical & does not run." See, the motor is where it should be! Easy project, for sure!

Nissan Patrol or Land Rover?
( polls)>

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Project Car Hell, King Of LeMons Edition: Bristol 408 or Beetle Limo? [Project Car Hell]

Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Yesterday, the "get out of jail free" supercharged Beretta edged out the "must stand 100 feet back to take the photo" Mazda Millenia in the Choose Your Eternity poll, in a 54:46 split vote. For today, we're going with a couple of cars suggested by 24 Hours Of LeMons-loving readers who were inspired by the Corvair and Peugeot 505 Turbo racers to look for even better LeMons entries…

When you think about a Chrysler-engined British car, the Jensen Interceptor is probably the first thing that comes to mind. While the Interceptor makes a fine Project Car Hell candidate, its perceived value to Jensen masochists aficionados is such that you'll never find one for anywhere close to the 500-buck 24 Hours Of LeMons limit. Hold on, though- what about the Bristol 408? Powered by the good ol' reliable Chrysler 313, the Bristol combined British style with Mopar drivetrain reliability… but is it possible to find one with a LeMons-legal price tag? Better hitch up the trailer and head for Wisconsin, because this 1966 Bristol 408 Coupe (go here if the ad disappears) has an asking price of just $500! The engine is bad, but there must be sufficient eBay-worthy pieces you can sell off this thing to score a running Chrysler small-block and Torqueflite transmission. Then just knock the suspension and brakes into quasi-functional shape and you'll be raceworthy. You can make it happen! Thanks to Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey Bret for the tip!

That Bristol would make you an instant LeMons legend, all right, but where's the absurdity? Sure, you'd have to be insane to run such a car, but you want members of other teams to stagger back in a mixture of awe and horror when they lay eyes on your racin' machine. A limousine would accomplish that, but there's the troublesome 4,000-pound weight limit to contend with. Unless… unless, of course, you were to get this 1974 Super Beetle limo (go here if the ad disappears), which has a bait-n-switch price of $8 but will likely go to the first buyer who waves a $100 bill under the seller's nose. There's no engine and transmission, but Pick Your Part is always chock-full of Beetles and Transporters, and any lawnmower mechanic armed with $9.98 worth of Brazilian replacement parts can get a Type 1 engine working just fine. Handling on the race track might be a little odd, since the pendulum with the big rear weight is now longer, but you won't be perturbed by the spinouts once you've got that Index Of Effluency and/or Organizer's Choice trophy in your shaky hands! Thanks to LeMons Supreme Court Justice Loverman for the tip!

Which car would make the most punitive, yet most rewarding LeMons entry?
( surveys)

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